All I Really Need to Know

What did you learn in kindergarten? I have many vivid memories of kindergarten because, before I set out for the hallowed halls of Mission Elementary School at age 5, I suspected I might want to be a teacher, so I knew I had to be learning on the job. In no particular order, this is what I remember:

1. As a rising kindergartner at registration, we spent a half hour (?) an eternity (?) I can’t really be sure because I was 5, engaging in kindergarten activities that included maniacally dancing to La Cucaracha. A girl named Marie kept making me dance faster and faster until I thought I might have to resign my anticipated post as kindergartener. Save that for someone made of sterner stuff.
2. Kindergarten was housed in a modular unit at my school, and my teacher was Mrs. Lepke. Her aide was Mrs. Rodriguez, and I adored her. We’re talking second mom material. (I may have written her several notes to that effect.) She often wore pins, and one must have broken once. It was a cat with “diamond” eyes. I found it on the floor, and wanted to keep it because it was so sparkly, but I knew better. When I tried to return it to her, I couldn’t believe my luck when she she said I could keep it. I did.

3. We took standardized tests in kindergarten, and were told we couldn’t go to the bathroom once testing had started. This was a quandary for 5-year old Liz (Anne, at the time) who hadn’t yet built up her teacher bladder.

Please select one response below for what happened next.

A. I raised my hand and asked to go to the bathroom.

B. I stayed in my chair with my number 2 pencil until a puddle of number 1 pooled on the carpet below my chair.

C. I decided that a full bladder was merely a state of mind and got over it.

D. None of the above.

4. My favorite toy was one Mrs. Rodriguez had made. It was a piece of wood the size of a notebook, and on it were 5 or 6 latches or locks you had to manipulate or open. I played with that thing at every conceivable opportunity. I would lie awake at night calculating ways to get it before the interlopers (classmates) could get their dirty paws on it.

5. Tongue painting. Very progressive for Albuquerque, New Mexico (though it was 1972, so I guess it checks out.) We were allotted one flimsy paper plate with a dollop of chocolate pudding, and were told, “Paint with your tongue!” Most faithful readers of the blog will know how this worked out for me. My mom did not regularly serve chocolate pudding, so I went to town on that paper plate. When the dust settled, I looked around the room and saw other plates with chocolate pudding flowers and houses and words. My plate? A study in white. That pudding was great. Not sorry.

This week, I am standardized-testing the heck out of my class, and it had me thinking of my kindergarten experience. It’s one thing to wet your pants while you’re taking a test, but while you’re administering one? That would be a plot twist for the department of ed to sort out! Maybe someday, I will hand kids paper plates with chocolate pudding and say, “Do what ya gotta do. No judgement.” You’re the next Picasso? That’s great. You’re a hungry little girl? So much the better. You need the bathroom? Walk out of here, head held high, and find a toilet.

I wanted to try a new chicken recipe this week (from Ina Garten) and use up some kale that I feared was languishing in the fridge. Of course, chocolate pudding served on a paper plate canvas had to make its way onto the menu, too.

https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/chicken-thighs-with-creamy-mustard-sauce-5468298

Chopped Kale Salad

1/4 cup red wine vinegar

2 garlic cloves, grated

6 cups chopped kale, stems removed

2 tablespoons neutral oil

Salt

1 teaspoon ground coriander

1/2 teaspoon dry mustard

1/2 teaspoon ground fennel (or fennel seeds)

1/2 bunch parsley, leaves and tender stems, chopped

1. Combine vinegar and grated garlic in a small bowl and set aside.
2. Toss the kale with oil and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a large bowl until evenly coated. Massage the kale until darkened in color and reduced in volume.
3. Pulse the kale in a food processor until finely chopped, about 10 pulses. Return the kale to the large bowl. Add vinegar mixture, spices, and parsley. Toss, taste, and add salt if needed.

A. a car

B. a pig

C. a bear