The yuletide season is upon us and I should tell you a lovely Christmas story. Instead, I’ll tell you what could be a chapter in a book called Ben’s Church Antics. It must have been about ten years ago that our family put on a spontaneous Christmas pageant of sorts, and it is time to issue a public apology.
We were in the home stretch of the Christmas Eve service, and our family filed forward to receive communion. The church was full, so the line to get to the altar rail was longer than usual. While waiting, Ben turned around, smiled, plugged his nose, and waved his hand in front of his face. The congregation had to have seen and understood his little mime. That was bad enough, but then he pointed to Phil, who was absolutely not the perpetrator. How did we go from quiet contemplation to silent but deadly accusation? When I thought it could not get worse, Phil turned to me and whispered in in his best Jackie Chiles voice, “This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.”
You’ll just have to trust me when I say that his delivery was spot on and I started to giggle. The harder I tried to stop laughing, the worse it got. By the time I knelt at the altar rail, shoulders shaking, tears streaming down my face, it may have looked like I was having a religious experience or a seizure. Either way, it was an absolute spectacle. The longest walk I’ve ever taken was the one back to our pew.
The Episcopalians would have had every right to send us packing after this incident, but Ben has matured in the last few years. Phil and I, unfortunately, are just as juvenile as ever. Sophia is completely blameless, but may want to change her name anyway.
Though we should have been eating crow this week, the incident described above was years ago, so we started fresh. Ben wanted the giant porterhouse steak that we made about a year ago, and he knew that planting the seed with Phil was the quickest way to get that beast in his belly. It’s hard holding the line with just Ben. When Phil is his steak advocate, it’s all over. Sophia joined us and we had a “lovely Christmastime dinner,” as Ben put it.
Ranch Sweet Potatoes
4 large sweet potatoes, scrubbed and cut into 3/4 inch cubes (we left the skin on)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 ranch seasoning packet
Place potatoes in large bowl. Drizzle with olive oil and stir to coat. Sprinkle ranch seasoning on potatoes and stir to coat. Bake on parchment-lined sheet pan at 425º for about 20 minutes.
Asian Pear Cucumber Salad
6 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 tablespoon sugar
1 English cucumber, halved lengthwise and cut into thin half-rounds
2 pears, quartered, cored and sliced into thin pieces
Sesame seeds to garnish
Combine sugar and vinegar in a large bowl. Add cucumber and pears. Sprinkle with sesame seeds and serve with slotted spoon.
The recipe is found here:
