What a Ham

This week’s cooking drama was not so much a new adventure as it was a tug on a cosmic string, pulling us each in the direction of our destinies.

The protagonist in this tale, Phil, spied whole hams for $1.50 a pound at Wengerd’s. Unable to escape his frugal Mennonite fate, our hero purchased a whole ham, weighing more than both of our children’s birth weights put together. Alas, he could do none other.

Ben came late to the role of antagonist. While posing initially as a ham supporter, he crumbled at some point during the cooking process (Et tu, Brute?). “Too salty. I don’t think so. I like it; it’s too much. Can I have chicken nuggets?”

As bard, I relay this tale to you, but should note that I moved beyond the confines of my role as storyteller to intervene with fate and tell Ben that he had to wash his hands with soap (paging Lady Macbeth) and that he could not have chicken nuggets (Fie upon you, cruel wench!)

Alas, one way or another, we got a meal of epic proportions on the table. Our hero cubed and froze untold quantities of leftover ham that may or may not have been too salty. 

Ben came to bury it, not to praise it, but he sure seemed to enjoy the kielke days later. (Note: the amount of butter and heavy cream in the sauce with these homemade noodles could help you shuffle off this mortal coil sooner than you’d like – beware the ides of starch and fat.)

We hope that for you, this week was more comedy than tragedy!